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2003-08-25 - 10:49 p.m. I learned an invaluable lesson today boys and girls (besides the idiosyncracy that valuable and invaluable mean the same dang thing)... a hard lesson...a life lesson. One of those epiphanies that changes how you view the world and your place in it. I learned that... I am NOT Cameron Diaz. Now this might seem obvious to some of you... seeing as I'm a foot shorter and outweigh her by oh-just-a-wee-bit...but this knowledge was quite shocking to me. I was obviously oblivious to my non-persona when I perused the aisles of Target the other evening and pounced* on these utterly adorable boy-style undies.
(*literally, there were only two pair left on the rack) Only to discover, to my dismay, that what was so fetching and fresh on Charlie's Angel cooch looked ridiculous on my more rotund buns. Oh the shame! Even my bf's usually unwavering upholding of my delusions of diminutiveness bucked under the pressure of providing an answer to "Do these look merely ridiculous or downright demented on my butt?" He did the unspeakable; he paused. Then he said, "They look. . . small" Thanks, honey, now twist the knife counterclockwise into my bruised bootyful ego. Isn't it bad enough that I buy my bras in the pre-teen section because no one else carries an A that isn't padded! I've come to accept my lack of endowment why can't they?! I'm sorry, but at 31 I refuse to have foam domes jutting out at unnatural and unwavering angles, and I refuse to leave my breasts on the bedroom floor when I go to bed at night. Sure I could put them in the hamper but hey, I have my sorting system for laundry and you can have yours! � 
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