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2005-02-26 - 7:51 p.m.

It has now been eleven years since my father passed away. When he first died, people said it will get easier with time. In a way that's true, the day to day living is easier, but these two days (his birthday was yesterday) just get harder every year. I miss him so much and its like each year my memories get a little dimmer and my mental picture gets fuzzier around the edges. I feel like my memories of how he looked come more from photos than from life. The stories I tell feel more rehearsed. Everything is just a bit more distant and remote. It makes me so sad because I thought I would only lose him once and yet its like a slow leak in the roof of my heart.

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