|
|
2003-09-30 - 7:19 p.m. As most of you know I am not a fan of reality television , that said I have to ask, have you seen this show? In the same way I have found myself rubber necking when there�s a three car pileup or a house burning down, have been unable to tear my eyes away from Newlyweds, the show that asks the question: "Is Jessica Simpson really that stupid?" From the four episodes I�ve seen the answer seems to be a resounding yes. Highlights of this investigation include: J.S. turning down buffalo wings on the premise that she does not eat buffalo, J.S. asking if tuna is chicken or fish (the chicken of the sea concept confused her), J.S. screaming "Jellyfish" repeatedly while pointing at a white plastic bag floating in the ocean. Part of my fascination with this show is that I was incredulous that she could be that stereotypically stupid or that if she were, that her husband, Nick Lachey, family and management would agree to have this fact aired publicly. I don�t mean to be facetious (the one "SAT word" that JS can�t seem to stop saying) but hasn�t anybody told them that the dumb blonde routine is soooo yesterday? So is the nagging, jealous wife role that she played to a T, as evidenced by her freaking out about his album promotion at the Playboy mansion or her endless complaining when they went golfing. I think she's afraid that if she stops talking we'll hear the wind whistling through her head. I�m no fan of Nick Lachey either but at least he comes across as down-to-earth, all around average guy (with what some consider above average looks and vocal range). He truly seems to care for wifey; I just can�t figure out why. N.L. may not be a rocket scientist but he�s definitely orbiting miles above his airheaded bride. When she comes up with these gems of idiocy, he seems genuinely surprised, giving her a disbelieving look and saying things like, "Baby, you know this. . . Don�t you?" His confusion over her lack of common knowledge surprises me since they say they dated for four years before getting married. Since she supposedly was a virgin when they got married obviously they didn�t spend those four years in bed - that should have left a lot of time for conversation. Now before anyone gets on my back about abusing this dim-witted doll, I'll give her props for her vocal range. She has a solid, good sounding voice. Her musical tastes on the other hand. . . well the word crap comes to mind. I�ll also say for the record that she seems like a nice enough girl - nice in the old fashioned way, ie, the kind of girl who saves herself for marriage, goes to church on Sunday, and never ever questions authority. She�s obviously led a very sheltered life since just about everything they do is a first for her: example, first camping trip (she thinks maybe she went camping before - what, you can�t remember?) She does not appear to have spent any time in the classroom either since even the most rudimentary concepts seem beyond her - grammar for example, asking why there were "mouses" in the pool, the names of animals - "isn�t it a platymapus?" or death, "Rigor Who?" she asked when her husband used the term rigor mortis. Even shopping seems a little beyond her. I guess it just didn�t occur to her to look at the price tags when bra shopping. She was astounded that she had spent nearly $800 on underwear, a fact she realized only after she left the store and could now no longer return them. I mean, even if you don�t look at price tags, don�t you at least look at the credit slip before you sign it? Honestly, it seemed that point she was too embarrassed to speak up. Instead she calls up hubby and whines to him about it. Jessica, if you don�t have a brain at least have a spine, girl! Is this really the image that the Lachey-Simpsons wanted to put forth? Maybe they come from the school of thought that any publicity is good publicity as long as they spell your name right. Of course calling anything Jessica Simpson�s school of thought seems oxymoronic (or is it just plain moronic?) Update: Whatever their publicity plan was, it seems to be working. The press is mounting. Just as I finished writing this entry the new TV guide arrived also with the headline, "Is Jessica really that stupid?" and a guide inside to some of the same examples I gave here. � 
|