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2003-06-10 - 8:29 p.m. Being white I was born with a rhythm deficiency that manifests itself in dance moves which can only be labelled "spastic" at best. Therefore it was not without trepidation that my friend DancingQueen and I began taking dance lessons. Our first attempt was tap for beginners and, sad to say, if they had remedial tap classes we probably still couldn't keep up. I eventually gave up completely when the bruises on my ankles (Shuffle-hop-flap-ow!) could only be camoflaged with pancake makeup. After about a year, DQ and I braved the dance halls again but this time we decided, "No dances requiring special shoes." Tap shoes: $45. Agony of de-feet: priceless. So, anyone want a pair of barely used tap shoes? We chose belly dance because we heard that a little extra flesh is actually an asset, and it is but don't believe the hype there's a lot more muscles involved than just your belly. After a single one hour class it hurt every time I had to sit down for a week. On top of that, in that class I had never felt more unfeminine, graceless, or less sexy. I laughed a lot but all laughing stopped the moment B asked me to show him what I had learned. "No way man. Trust me, if you ever want to have sex with me again - you do not want me to belly dance for you!" So we moved on to greener pastures. Grass skirts, actually. I am proud to say that 3 months of hula lessons later, DQ and I are the stars of the class. Mind you, the other girls are about two months behind us and getting better faster than we did. For example, in today's class alone they learned an entire dance that took us a month to master. But at the moment we are the hula superstars, woo hoo! We can even hula up a weather forecast for you, provided the forecast only calls for sun, rain or tropical breezes. The likelihood of us ever using hula at a social occasion is doubtful to nil. But more to the point is the fact that we are actually enjoying our hula experience and for once DQ and I truly are dancing queens. Drink of the day: Mai tai Aloha! � 
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