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2002-11-09 - 5:17 p.m. To Squat or Not? In US public bathrooms there seems to be two sorts of people: Those that squat and those that do not. Personally, I�m not fond of squatting. I never feel like I empty fully when I squat, plus my balance is poor. I�m not alone in that, based on the amount of splatter on the average public toilet seat. This, of course, makes it impossible for those who prefer not to, to avoid the squat. In Mexico, most bathrooms I had the (mis)fortune to visit had no toilet seats so there was never a question of what to do. Even at the home of the rug weavers that we visited there was no toilet seat installed � though there was one propped up in the corner of the bathroom, perhaps they save it for special guests. Toilet paper was a scarcity too; I paid ten pesos, about a buck, for 3 squares (single ply) so even if there were seats I wouldn�t have squandered my precious paper. Probably the only times in my life when I�ve suffered penis envy are those times when restrooms are so revolting, or absent altogether (or the line�s just too F%&*ing long), that the ability to pee freely wherever and whenever would come in quite handy. It did come as a surprise however, when I realized that in spite of the generally unsanitary conditions, in Mexico the bowls were fairly splatter free. It occurred to me then that just as we expect men to do, perhaps those who choose to squat would do well to lift the seat. Maybe it�s the decrease in surface area, or the increase for aim but it would be much neater for all involved. Of course, not squatting has its problems as well. Most people wouldn�t sit directly on the seat (especially when splattered), the choice of barriers between butt and bowl are as follows: First choice would go to the handy dandy electric gizmo plastic sheaths, a virtual seat condom, second goes to the pre-formed paper seat covers (those these are tricky when used in tandem with those motion-activated, self-flushing toilets � I spent considerable time in the airport arranging my seat cover just so, only to have it sucked out from under me just as I sat down). Last, and least is the personal paper nest of toilet tissue. More time consuming, a real drag when you�ve had a few beers and need relief, not to mention there�s always the risk of clogging the toilet and causing an overflow - major ick factor. And one time, I tried to perch on the end of a seat which was not properly affixed � it came skidding off, with me on it, onto the floor and halfway across the room. Thankfully it was a one-person bathroom, no stalls involved, but it was at a rather pricey restaurant and I�m ass-up on the tile floor, dress around my ears, and pee down one leg. I threw out my hose and panties, which were wet, and broke a nail off trying to get the seat back on. None of which would have happened I suppose, if I had chosen to squat. Well, I�d like to know what you all think: To Squat or Not? My first poll! � 
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