|
|
2004-11-05 - 6:41 a.m. I complain a lot about my job - I know how it must sound to those of you reading about it - and I do have things to complain about, of course I do, I'm new at this and its been a difficult transistion. But I also want to say that I really like most of my students. Deep down, they are good kids who have been screwed by the system or by life and have serious issues with trust, self esteem, and authority. Why should they trust me? Why should they respect me? They don't know me and those teachers and authority figures they have known have not always treated them kindly or even fairly. I bitch and complain because this is a tough situation to be in, a tough job to do. So why do I do it? Because I really love these kids - even the ones who are a pain in the ass. I want these kids to succeed - because even if they don't believe they can, I do. Teachers from other departments always look at me with a mixture of pity and wonder when I say that I'm in the ISS dept. (aka special ed). They say things like, "Maybe you'll be able to switch to English," or "I could never do that. Those kids are animals." Then they look at me like I have ten heads when I say, "I actually like the kids," and "I chose special ed because I really want to work with these kids." They shake their heads. They smile condescendingly and say, "You're young," and "I was idealistic once too." Since when did it become wrong to have ideals? No, I'm not naive. No, I'm not that young (though I'm flattered you think so). Do I think that I will be able to keep my ideals forever? I hope so, but if I ever become as cynical and jaded as some of these people I hope I have the sense to just get out. Yes, there are days that I hate my job, hate the kids behavior (sometimes even hate the kids), hate the bureacracy, hate my own ignorance and ineptitude. BUT I love what I do. I love that I have the opportunity to make a difference in a kid's life. What I do may help some of my kids to stay in school and graduate instead of dropping out. Maybe one less kid will become a parent before leaving high school. I have hopes that some of my students will not only graduate but will go on to either college or technical school. I hope that others will have the skills to get jobs that can support them and their families. Maybe these victories seem small to some. . . but to me they are huge. This is what I do and why I do it. � 
|