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2002-11-20 - 3:52 p.m.

Whatever happened to Thanksgiving?

In Storefronts everywhere the Christmas decorations are out in full force, my next door neighbor already has his lights up and a large Santa in a sleigh on display on his roof, I got my first Christmas card in the mail today. What is up people?

Does no one celebrate Thanksgiving anymore? Are we really so eager to rush through the year that we�re just going to skip over the one holiday that celebrates all this country was built on - Freedom, the right to bear assault rifles for killing and roasting animals, and exploiting and pillaging other peoples for our personal gain.

Now lest that diatribe should make you think that I�m in favor of foregoing Thanksgiving, let me state for the record that it is indeed my favorite holiday and I�ll tell you my reasons (in no specific order):

Sure it celebrates a time in our history in which we killed countless numbers of Native Americans either through our unwitting spread of disease or just by our greed, BUT it is still our history. We should take stock in remembering it. A country that doesn�t know its history is bound to repeat it.

It celebrates Gluttony, my all-time favorite of the seven deadly sins! Now I know that some of you feel that this is just a preview of Christmas but I think Christmas spoils things for the true glutton. Instead of being allowed to drift off into your food induced coma in front of the TV while watching other people exert themselves, on Christmas some exertion is required.

What with the gift-giving and receiving, the unwrapping and the disposing of said wrappings, the oohing and the aahing to show appreciation for the thoughtful gift, the mustering of faked enthusiasm for the thoughtless and useless gifts, etc., you just don�t get to appreciate the feeling that a facefull of turkey followed by a good nap can give.

Less crime. Everybody knows that on Christmas, everyone has just gotten butt loads of new shit. Shit that those criminally industrious individuals would like to steal. On Thanksgiving, people are too sated to strategize and execute even the most elemental burglary.

The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade! It�s a New York tradition and as much as I sometimes hate it here, it is my home and I�m proud of it. Besides I like parades - I just do, and this one is the best one (Best Televised one anyway). It still gives me (and countless others) a thrill to see the Underdog balloon floating down 7th Avenue,and even though most kids today have no clue who he is, No one appreciates a dog in clothing (particularly a superhero costume)as much as the freaks in NYC.

Turkey! Especially when someone else has done all the work of cooking it.

Football. I enjoy the occasional football game, but even more I enjoy watching the men in my life watching football. It�s a glimpse into the world of male bonding and comic relief all rolled into one amusing package of cussing, cheering, high-fiving, over emoting over overpaid athletes in spandex pants throwing what was formerly a pig up and down a yard full of fake grass.

Watching the annual race of which neighbor will get their lights up and on first. (Of course this has been ruined since my neighbor has decided to flout tradition and just put up his lights any damn day - yesterday in fact)

Not having to buy any presents and being able to just show up, eat, and leave. To those of you who actually do all the work - a word of thanks, because you work hard so I don�t have to. I love you all! Drink of the Day: Hot Buttered Rum

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